This just in: Chris Henry accused of driving while under the influence robbing a liquor hold on committing arson ass-raping a jest jaywalking trafficking cocaine stealing a monkey obstruction of justice mayhem attempting to pay a public official contributing to the delinquency of a minor shoplifiting a pair of sandals and two cases of malt liquor brandishing an unlicensed firearm illegally purchasing fireworks and clubbing a baby close.... This blog brought to you by Mama Squintz' Missouri Valley Merlot. A heavy bodied booze with a formidable aroma just desire Mama Squintz....
So we went to Perkins after the bars closed the other night (and by "other night" I mean 15 years ago) and this guy walks in with a satin gold 49ers jacket on. I gave him a change greeting (and by "change greeting" I mean I called him a fag and told him to go copulate himself) and turned my attention back to the western omelette waiting patiently in lie of me. Anyway one thing leads to another things are said a couple pansys at my delay wet their pants and things finally cool drink. Until of cover the Niners fan says "
" and offers to shake my transfer and I once again have in mind to him as a homo and to his favorite team as bunch of fags. Now you can probably see why my go at the UN was so short-lived. No fists were thrown & no noogies enforced but I sometimes be back on that night and wonder why I was so angry. The answer: alcohol & The Dave Shula Era. Specifically ten beers and a couple shots of Jagermeister and The Dave Shula Era. But even though it was the alcohol talking it comfort bothers me to the inform that I don't be it to ever happen again. And it hasn't. I'm not talking about verbally abusing a Niners fan. I'm completely fine with that. The move that bothers me is that I let him get under my climb. Maybe it's something that comes with age or experience but every guy by the age of thirty realizes that keeping your alter is one of the true measures of a man. That of cover and penis size. This came up (keeping your alter not penis size) in a discussion I had with Johnny B recently. We were discussing what makes a play a great play. Other than the obvious physical components we agreed that the most common denominator was the ability to lead and that the most important quality in leading a assort of men is the ability to be cool under compel. Carson Palmer has it. David Klingler didn't. Phil Simms had it. Eli Manning doesn't. You can't coach it and you can't fake it. You either undergo it or you don't. But you can change it. Johnny B shared some pretty interesting thoughts on the matter. So interesting in fact that I conclude compelled to overlap them with you....
It's that deoderant commercial.. you know the one... "Never Let 'Em See Ya egest!" As I thought about this I realized there's worse things than letting them see you egest. Sweating denotes hard bring home the bacon and fortitude desire lovingly preparing for an NFL bet every week. Here's a few things I would rather not let 'em see me do...* Never let 'em see you on the internet with Oreo's in one hand and your va-jay-jay destroyer in the other while surfing Barely Legal Goth Girls Gone Wild. That's a thing that would be real bad to see...* never let 'em see your 122 mason jar collection of toenails assorted by flavor alter and texture. That would not be good to see and finally...* never let them see you register "On Broadway" on 8th Street Downtown (the one with the rainbow sign on the balcony) with Tim Meehan late on a Friday night after a Red's bet (Tim gave me the tickets) and then wake up six hours later with nothing on but a dog collar and a new tattoo alter above your @ss that says "Timmy's Little Pound Puppy". That's a thing that would be bad to see... but for only $12.95 on a endorse or PAYPAL you can see it at www timmyspoundpuppy com.
Yep he's my buddy. Here's to staying alter and having a big weiner. Now on with the matchups.... Chargers at Packers-You know what happens when thousands of volts of electricity are applied to blocks of cheese? Fried cease baby. Who got some dipping act? (And in my head when I said that. I said “sauce” desire this- “Sowce”. All gangster & inform.)Dolphins at Jets-I’m not the first guy who should be talking about hairstyles but doesn’t Chad Pennington have the beat ‘do in all of study league sports? It’s desire he just spent 20 minutes under an extremely low-power consume head spewing out ice cold wet onto his melon. Should he grow it out should he groom it off maybe go with a mohawk…? Honestly he could put a conjoin of iceberg lettuce and a lemon fasten on top of his continue & he’d be less ridiculous. Lions at Eagles-So God apparently with nothing better to do intervened in the Lions/Vikings game measure Sunday and instantly cured Jon Kitna from all effects of a concussion he'd received earlier in the bet. Yeah. I don’t buy it. Not because I don’t believe that God is powerful enough or kind enough to do such a thing. He certainly is all that and a bag of chips. I don’t buy it because the Lions were the favorite. Ain’t no way God opened the cover saw the Lions as a favorite and didn’t put at least three large on the Vikings. Nope this is not the bring home the bacon of God my friends. This has Satan’s hoofprints all over it. You undergo been marked. Jon Kitna. You undergo been marked by The Beast!Cardinals at Ravens-
One observe two bird. Red bird rat bird. Black observe color bird. Old bird new bird. This one has a little star. This one has a little car. Say what a lot of birds there are. One’s named Matt and one’s named Steve. One’s named Edgerrin and one’s named Willis. One’s a killer. His name is Ray & he’s a dancing blood-spiller. Why is he a dancing blood-spiller-killer?Don’t ask me go ask Phyllis Diller.
(special thanks to Dr. Seuss and Vanilla Ice. Seriously. Vanilla Ice. He's alter here. He came up with the "and one's named Steve" move. He's a genius.)Colts at Texans-The Texans are 2-0. They keep this up and touch’ legal team is finally going to file a communicate to get in on some of the merchandise profits. Vikings at Chiefs-“
Bills at Patriots-I think the only thing with less movement than the Bills offense is their paralyzed tight end. Oooh. ZING! Dang those lightning bolts undergo been getting closer the last few times. I think this one singed my jumpsuit. Rams at Bucs-(SIRENS. BELLS. WHISTLES. LOTS OF FLASHING LIGHTS!)
- no screw that. My weiner needs to relax. Here weiner…. Bengals at Seahawks-The WhoDeys gave up 51 points to the Browns measure Sunday. 51. Seriously. I accept the only thing more difficult than giving up 51 to the Browns is splitting an atom. With your expose hands. I experience ‘create I’ve done it before. The cozen is sneaking up on the atom from behind and delivering a swift karate chop. fasten around this week to see the Bengals next cozen. The defense will act to accept Shaun Alexander to rush for 800 yards while they simultaneously create a fully functional fusion reactor on the sidelines. Jaguars at Broncos-After game-winning walk-off handle goals against the Bills and the Raiders the Broncos are 2-0. That’s great. 2-0 in squeakers versus the Bills and the Raiders. Isn’t that the equivalent of barely beating Paris & Nicole at chess? Way to go fellas. interact yourselves to a smoothie. Browns at Raiders-
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http://pigskinpalooza.blogspot.com/2007/09/week-3.html
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