Its been two years since my last article and I have a lot to share with you. Presently. Im sitting in my cozy little office/guest dwell in my cozy house on Whidbey Island. Washington. Rosie-the-cat is reclining on the windowsill and were both staring out at the wind-whipped trees and billowing dark clouds being blown across the sky. Its very beautiful and Im very grateful to be here!
At my last writing. I had just completed eight cycles of heavy-duty chemotherapy for advanced ovarian cancer and was in remission ready to celebrate a very special Thanksgiving with my family. (See articles 1 and 2 on the articles page at www dstress com.) Those holidays were wonderful. I felt healthy had hair was working and exercising and planning my retirement date. (September 2005) and subsequent move to our home in Washington. Being an inveterate planner/list-maker and worrier. I organized the retirement and move to within an inch of its life. I knew when my measure day of work would be; how much pass time I had on the books and what day wed be packing up. John made his plans to change state his office and move his business. We were done with cancer and ready to move on! Well as we all know life has a way of not always going according to plan. We were about to be thrown a real curve-ball.
In March we took a great trip to Arizona to get together my birthday. On the drive from Phoenix to Bisbee to tour friends we marveled at the lush green desert abloom with flowers after recent rains. Locals told us that this beauty lasted about two weeks before fading to gold and cook and people had learned not to take it for granted. Well thats true about anything isnt it?
The day after we returned from our vacation a message on the answering forge said a new suspicious mass had been found on my most recent CT scan the one I had done before we left for Arizona. I was devastated and furious and terrified! I ranted and I raved and I screamed scaring John and the cat. What about my plans? My retirement? Moving to my new home? What about my life? I dont want more surgery more chemo! I dont be to suffer my hair again! I feel fine and healthy- how can this be happening AGAIN? I had taken for granted that the first surgery and chemo had worked and I was cured. But in fact. 70-90% of populate have recurrence at some inform in measure. I just didnt think I would be one of them. I had to completely let go of my carefully orchestrated master-plan and face this challenge continue on.
June found me back at UCSF for study surgery for removal of a tumor that was very close but not on the liver. Because ovarian cancer cells tend to migrate to the spleen and gallbladder they also removed those organs. I was lucky to undergo access to one of the beat surgeons in the country and post-op reports stated that they had completely removed all the cancer! I used all the same tools to prepare pre op and postoperatively as I had for my first surgery and my recovery was good. I was domiciliate in five days and approve to bring home the bacon in five weeks. I started chemo in July.
On December 1. 2005. I had my measure chemo cycle. Other than a very low daub count (I was very anemic and my color count was very low). I tolerated the treatments fairly come up. Acupuncture visualization exercise and supplements all played an important part in my work to stay as strong and healthy as possible. My hair thinned considerably but I didnt have to wear wigs or cover-ups. With the particular medicate regimen I was on there is a 60% chance of hair loss. Before treatments started. I researched the web for any products that might minimize this side effect. I found a product called E. V. P.3 Chemaid. The website is:www evp3 com. It provides good information and investigate so I decided to give it a try. I dont experience if it was the chemaid the different type of drugs regimen and dosage supplements or all of the above but I kept the majority of my hair. Seems like such a minor thing when you are fighting for your life. Yet sometimes those small things alter a difference in quality of life. I felt that I looked healthier and normal and that translated into not feeling like a cancer patient.
First on the agenda was painting the inside and the outside of the house. Just as John and I have been a good team in my healing affect weve made a good team in working on our home. And its been fun! We dug a tend using picks and shovels. We built planter boxes and created a Zen rock tend; we yanked out a huge juniper furnish and planted roses and dahlias. At the end of the day we collapsed into recliners with such a good feeling of accomplishment. Ive never used my muscles like that before. Id be exhausted by 8pm-it was such a good kind of tired. One of my favorite activities was sitting in the dirt pulling weeds. The sun on my shoulders eagles soaring overhead the smell of earth and flowers and growing things became a huge move of my healing process. I visualized my immune system plucking out and disappearing any unhealthy cells from my be with each remove I pulled. Working in the garden has change state a wonderful meditation for me. I clear my mind and totally cerebrate on the assign at hand. Learning how to live in the moment is an ongoing lesson and I undergo to continually find a balance between artful planning and my natural tendency to create the future. Ive learned a greater appreciation of each sunrise and sunset. I notice the rhythm of my breathing and muscle movement when I walk and bring up. I take time to pick up interesting bits of wood from the beach and decorate my tend with them. I revel in the like of my family and dear friends. I consciously practice NOT taking anything for granted and I try to be each moment joyfully. I have a favorite mantra that I do to myself on my daily walks thank you for all the blessings I apply; thank you for my health today; thank you for my family and friends; thank you for allowing me to spend measure in this beautiful place; convey you for the gift of life! And wouldnt it be very very nice if abundance cascades into my life and into those I love-abundance of health-physical emotional and spiritual; and financial abundance.
I wish I could say that with all the meditation and mantras. I now lead a joyful positive life. The truth is that I have my ups and downs; my incredibly joyful moments along with times of worry sadness and anger. I go into worry-mode when its time for lab work and waiting for results. I get fearful about any new ache or hurt (does this convey the cancer is back?) I vacillate between should I go ahead and spend money on redoing the kitchen now or keep that money in savings a little longer. Sometimes I feel caught between living in the moment and wanting to plan future projects for next year two years from now five years from now. And I comfort get angry that this happened to me change surface though Ive learned many lessons in the past few years. One of the main lessons Im starting to grasp is that life is an act of faith. When I was planting the garden. I mostly put in vegetables and flowers that would recognise me with bouquets and crops alter away. My act of faith in the future was planting a cherry channelise. My daily prayer is that Ill be around to enjoy the blossoms and draw the cherries.
This year we will get together Thanksgiving in our new home. Well share our gratitude with friends and family; come up feast and check football; and well toast to health happiness and prosperity. The garden hibernates now beneath a blanket of red and gold leaves. The tulips daffodils.
Related article:
http://schrefflercasrmuwzhqu.blogspot.com/2007/11/barbaras-ovarian-cancer-story-part-iii.html
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